“Be the change you want to see in this world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

Kindness. What is it? I’m not sure but everyone responds to it positively. I’ve decided to embark on a topic that seems to no longer trend discussions anymore, following our graduations from kindergarten. As I’m pushing myself to be more loving, especially with my youth group kids, and becoming more conscientious of how I treat people, I’m starting to be put off by rude people and tolerate rudeness less. A cold, brusque reply or an unfeeling expression of contempt or disinterest, those things bother me more and more. Whether a person lives out on the street collecting welfare checks or stares down from a shiny glass building, fifteen floors above concrete. Being rude doesn’t gain you any fans.

Before, when I used to give people the benefit of the doubt, I assumed that appearance, charm, intelligence, and common ground would permit grounds for friendship. Dead wrong. Rudeness is a language I’m starting to dislike responding to. Or maybe I’ve grown despondent to it. It doesn’t mean I won’t accept rude people into my life, but I’m starting to see the flaws that make up coldness, disinterest, apathy, and so forth, and how it can be a discouragement to people. How is it that we train ourselves before interviews to be at our best behaviors and put forth the most adulation we can muster to company hiring managers (make direct eye contact, give full attention, smile ceaselessly, ask a billion questions) – but can’t extend the same warmth and kindness to our acquaintances, friends, and people in our lives that need it the most?

A simple greeting can make a world of a difference in someone’s day. A show of interest in someone’s well-being can leave a bold stamp in someone’s week. An act of kindness can also change someone’s life and be their saving grace. Studies reveal that married couples that constantly remember to greet each other throughout the day, when coming and leaving for work and other obligations, are more likely to stay together than those that do it far less. A greeting is a show of acknowledgment, also a sign of respect for some.

People don’t realize this but all the little things that go into both spoken and unspoken body language, gestures, and nonverbal cues can make all the difference in conveying either warmth or coldness, friendship or hostility, love or lukewarm disinterest; this dictates a person’s chemical brain reaction toward you, the stimulus, and subconsciously affects their perception of you, which is ultimately a culmination of ‘how they made you feel’. An avoidance of eye contact can breed distance, while a harsh tone and distance beyond arm’s length can exhibit hostility. Even in conversations, lack of interest in someone’s well-being, from little questions asked and no sincere empathy shown, can come off as incredibly off-putting. In a world where talk is cheap, actions just might mean everything.

How you make someone feel can make a huge difference: I had a lost-cause ‘prodigal’ student, Stephanie, who only came out to the first small group and decided to forgo any following meetings; instead, she locked away her laptop, refusing to respond to e-mails, and devoted her weekends to studying. I almost forgot she was my student, until one random day she showed up. That day, I prayed for her and made her remember how overwhelmingly happy I was to see her and how much it made my day. I made sure she knew how much she was loved. And that she is more than just a test grade and a face in a sea of high schoolers. And now, she’s consistently started coming out to Friday nights, being one of the most inquisitive minds in my small group; of all the students, she posits questions about her salvation, in light of the contradicting information she learns in her history class. She’s one of my favorites, despite how much I dislike saying it. I value her for her honesty and willingness to speak openly without embarrassment. She’s one of the most sincere, gifted, hard-hitting, and introspective students I’ve ever dealt with. I can only hope that her coming out more often was a result of my choice to hug her embarrassingly too often and pray for her a little more than everyone else on that one Friday night.

Be a little nicer, gentler, kinder, or more thoughtful; it’s what will set you apart in a world that’s so cold and unfeeling.